Boring Friday

Can you believe that this was the day I was waiting for the most in this entire visit to Atlanta - was nervous, hopeful and full of expectations of success? And now I am just bored. Yes, the reason for the wait seems to have materialized, but not providing the enthusiasm enough to take me through the rest of the day. What would I like to be doing now? Sitting with P in my ancestral home, watching the rain drops fall into the 'nadu-mitam' with V playing. Add a cup of hot tea to it and it is bliss! Guess this travel has revived a lot of old memories and increased my wish-list of things that I never did or considered important and now all that is coming back at me.

Started facebook-ing and have got connected back to a lot of friends and classmates from school. That's another missing link. Someone asked this question - why will you add your classmates, lost friends/colleagues on your list in a social website when you really did not keep in touch with them over all these years? Well for one, there has to be a way to make amends to that issue of not keeping in touch with them (like my case). It's such a wonderful feeling of having to explore their worlds after such a long time. There was a time when you thought that life was inseparable and now when you connect, you find yourselves worlds apart but still intriguing.

The other one is that I really want to watch Raajneeti. It's got a collection of good actors (I really appreciate the acting of Ranbir Kapoor), an impressive director/story-writer and of course Katrina Kaif!! What can I tell about her, V and I love watching her on the screen!! Still not a comparison to Meenakshi Sheshadri or Simran, but then an avid interest none-the-less. Will definitely buy the DVD if anything close to good!!

Guess will wait for Srini to get done so that I can leave today as I need to get ready for the next week. Happy weekend all!!

Summer Heats And School Days

There is something very nostalgic in the air when I smell the baked earth during summer. It reminds me of the schooldays during exam time when the heat blazed the school grounds while waiting in the noon for the bus to take me back home from the exam. Something always associated with that is the confidence that the exams I take in summer will be good! I felt the same way during engineering and ditto for the MBA. As I was driving with Pradeep on Monday in San Diego (yes, I managed a visit to SD during this business trip too), the heat in the car with the air in it being hot, just brought back those memories. What amazing days were those........

Write the exam and at the end of 3 grueling hours, come out of the examination room and discuss the answers followed by a little basketball and then wait for the bus to take you home. Once you reach home, complete answering the questions from Mom who runs through the question paper, answer Dad's phone call and then eat lunch of rice, papad, dal (cucumber, mango and drumstick) and sour yogurt....mmmm, I can almost taste it. Maybe the best part of all was that the end of exams meant beginning of the summer vacation - 2 whole months of doing everything else but school. Oh, how I miss those days :(

Back in Atlanta

These lonely days in Atlanta are when I realise how distant I am from my cousins. Not that I need to interfere in their everyday excitement, but I am not even good enough to keep in touch with most of them. Like P says, I am only about work and even that dedication will not get you the satisfaction or fun that family gives. Thanks to Sandy, her marriage was one occasion I was glad to have attended by pushing out the work (family photo that spans generations and this is not the complete one as yet!). I miss the old days as children when during vacations we used to get together for unsolicited fun and excitement for the days till the next vacation. But as our lives grew on, I just unnecessarily made some wrong decisions due to which I don't even get together or miss out the offers for the same. Now all are getting married and getting to be busier and I do hope our next generation will still get together and we as old people then will be as strong in our relations as our earlier generation now! God - please be kind on this prayer!!

Final Post....atleast for sometime

I am finding it very difficult to write out posts regularly and hence I thought that I can do a more photoblog than a writing. So, you will start seeing pictures on the blog more than writing and I am aiming to be more regular on that front :)

Home.......FINALLY!!

As the last few days are being counted down before heading back to India, I have a lot of memories and lot of experiences as an employee, alien resident, tourist and father. But still, those are no good when compared to the joy and bonds that I have back, pulling me strongly to India. If someone asked me to answer without thinking, there would be no hesitation in choosing India as the place I would work and on further thinking, it still would have been my answer. My work style would be no different or less committed than what I did here, but the joy of being surrounded by reality and family is enbalming by itself. At this point, I also cherish the amount of guidance and feedback through which I can groom young minds having such a rich customer experience and variety in my stay of about 4.5 years. Sure, the money has been good, but can I choose that over what I am leaving behind? Well, I have done that long enough! Though that's not excuse to amount of exposure and experience that I have gained in the US, it's been one successful chapter in my life. I cherish the relationships and friends I have gained here, decisions I have taken (everyone seemed the best and right given the time and circumstances) and places I have visited.
But then, its still "ghar aaja pardesi tera Desh bulaye re" - here I come (July 29) :-)

Internal Feud

Its been an emotional roller-coaster ride since late January. On one hand I am trying hard to make the most of it and be as professional as possible, working hard to benefit the best interests of the organization I am working for. On the other hand, I am just being pushed around (including my family), unable to make any personal decisions, leaving me to think that my hard work in no longer a matter of consideration. Among all this is a fading ray of light of that of my boss. I go from handling a team of more than 50 members to a challenge of growing an account (which I have grown to 30 members) to struggling for allocation and loss of a good challenge of work.

No more am I included in account level activities and everyone seems to think that I can be neglected and get new people into the team for a role that I can well handle, making me taste disgust at the effort of 5 hard years that I spent into nurturing this account and treating it as the priority over everything else I was doing including my family. What have I done to deserve this?

I was supposed to have been elevated in my responsibilities due to potential, but looks like it got lost in the series of measures taken to counter the economic-tsunami. Other than my boss, everyone else has decided to forget/ignore my existence. Career-planning is non-existent in my organization and only way is to do well in what is assigned. So I am just doing what I am supposed to do while battling the grief and frustration alone, on my own and in the spare time. Will the professional be overcome by the rising wave of grief and frustration? Only time will tell!

Spicy vs. Constructive

Rumours, half baked news - this is what I read everyday in economic times. One day its TCS, next WIPRO and then Infosys. After the recent Satyam fiasco, that has managed to be a permanent fixture in the last couple of months. First it started with layoffs, then the excuses of performance based layoffs (even though this has been happening over many years and its one good way for recycling the talent in the company, the economic conditions have ensured the magnifying glass placed on this aspect) and now its the competition to honor the offer letters to candidates selected from campus. Are these 3 the only companies around? Or is this supposed to be the sampling of the industry in India? Or is this a PR game being played by pitting one against the other?
As far as I see, on the sales arena, they are up against each other for several deals....will these rumours help in securing deals? Why are not the papers looking at the industry and highlighting those aspects that will grab the attention which will lead to the betterment of the public life and standards of the economy? Like focus on the transportation issue that plagues the public life and the pressure under which they operate or the infrastructure issues of traffic, roads, etc? Maybe that is not as important and it can be fillers in a side column in the newspapers.
Me, being an insider in one of these 3 companies, can clearly see the the confusion caused by the news that is half true and the comments drawn by them. When will there be a day when i can read the papers and truly get information that will be useful rather than "masala"?

Give a chance.........

One of the commonly heard phrase in many interviews I have taken - "given a chance sir, I assure you that I can pick up the technology quickly.......I am a quick learner and a hard worker".

I am a big believer that one should not see the the deficiencies in a candidate but see how to utilize their strengths. But in this rat race with a quicker pace in new developments, where is this chance that needs to be given to someone to develop their strengths or even find out their strengths? Companies are run with such tight budgets that the "bench" we had for parking such candidates has gotten shorter and its close to being a "chair". No one wants to listen about this being an investment and those who listen can hardly fight a battle of diminishing budgets. I always feel a pinch of hurt in my heart on hearing this, since I came up from the same "town"- the difference is that I was in an era where the rat race did not have this many rats and things were just getting to heat up. So I am eternally grateful in getting more time to prove myself and getting to where I am today, while someone who maybe a million times better than me is still waiting for that "chance".

One of the ideas I have is, every program should be run like an organization - manage its revenues and costs. The training should be a joint investment by all the programs across the organization and the stake will be decided by the program owner. Based on the investment and stakes, the talent should be picked up from the training pool and yes, the training team should be accountable. I know that there are loopholes in what I propose, but those are somethings that can be plugged adn more importantly, talent is given a chance and nurtured.

News, Drama, Chaos.......

Its been about 3 months that the news has been keeping me busy at the amazing pace that its unfolding - economic collapse in the US setting off a "financial tsunami" across the world; my favourite team, San Diego Chargers, coming back from a 4-8 deficit to win the division before finally closing the season with a divisional round loss in the playoffs, Satyam disclosing fraud by the once genius business man (Chairman and MD) Ramalinga Raju, chapter 11 filings by various respected companies, election of Obama to presidency of US and discussions with many frineds and close ones on the distress caused by potential chance (sometimes without any evidence) of losing the jobs. 

And I wouldn't do justice if I do not mention the 11/26 Mumbai terror attacks that has hurt me so much to just see the destruction caused even though I am miles away in US. I was unable to sleep and was constantly on the news networks praying for it to end for misled fools had brought pain and destruction to common man who had no idea how his/her life was linked in anyway to the paradise that was tried to be achieved.

Among all this, my niece Shraddha was born, my son V turned one and a couple of my best friends have been blessed with beautiful daughters.

So much in so little time, it always amazes me when I reflect back!

New Year and Resolutions

I have a theme that I try to strictly follow for the new year - sleep through the new year's eve and hope that you can sleep that well every night for the next year. Of course, I have never validated that ever, but it gives me a sense of security every year! As for resolutions, I remember having given it up a few years ago. For most part, all of them were the same - lose weight, make more money and spend them more happily. But this year, I decided to do a few things different - try to be a better person. You may want to call it a resolution, but for me this was path on which I embarked ever since I moved to Atlanta from San Diego (just needed a significant change to "time-stamp" a cause in my life). All these days, I was chasing the silly dream of being a perfectionist at work till it dawned that a) it was limited to the group that I am working in b) it was like a magnificent flower in a pool of dirt (depicting everything in life I did not have time for). Don't get me wrong, I loved the challenges en route to that goal and loved every minute of it (even though I would not say I succeeded in reaching it), just that it did not give me the peace of mind I wanted all round.
So, I decided that I wanted to be a better person - a better father, a better husband, a better son, a better friend while also being a better worker and in being all this, I do not want one to supersede the other. Sure, I may not succeed in everything, but I will try and do justice as much to ensure that I can be at peace.

Back to blogging

Well, a year since my last post....my excuses have primarily revolved around V, P and work. I also made a slight change to my career over the last year.
Being primarily a logic and resulted oriented person (at least I would like to think so), I moved into the web of sales. I say that it's a slight change since I have been involved in many aspects of it in the past one year and now those are my only goals on the job. Its not something that I would like to have taken, but then I realize that I was very comfortable in my former role and it was time to challenge myself and see if I can do this role too. Even though many consider it going up the ladder, I still believe that one has to see all aspects of the business before being able to make decisions for the same. In a way, I am at the same level of work when I started my career in 1999. Just that, the mistakes made now hurts my ego much more which is bloated with the success of in the previous role. Man, isn't re-learning difficult; though without change how long can I survive?

And speaking of change, just when I got comfortable in SD, I had to move to Atlanta. Not that Atlanta is bad, its just that I like SD better.

And on a more sentimental note, I lost my pet dog Roxy who was with my family over the last 8 years. She was the best around during my MBA days who patiently listened to my presentation practices, debates, frustrations and my dreams. Even though I have been away from her over the last 4 years, it is going to be hard for me to forget her.

"You have truly been a great companion and security for me and i hope God has greater and better things planned for you! I love you and will never forget you Roxy!!"

Have you ever realized that even though one has tons of work in a day, there is something missing? I have always been intrigued by what other people do, momentarily inspired when other people narrate their stories of achievement of milestone outside their 'perceived domains' but at the end, do the same work all over again. I sometimes think that I cannot complete the tasks and amaze myself when I finally complete them (keep in mind that these are tasks that I am supposed to complete). Do I sound like an everyday Joe or am I unique (I would love to know the reality of this one day).
What inspires me is a mystery unsolved! All I know is that I want to do something different from my routine - no not something thats a challenge, but something that would help me relax and help me get ready for the actual tasks in the future. Not yoga, not gardening and definitely not something that would take a lot of time. I have not given up reading, though I need a direction. I realize that in the last few years, I have taken a hermit's exit from poetry and painting. Also I need to spend sometime around V. Lots of questions and no answers at this point...

My Greatest Task Undertaken

Awwrite......A new twist in my life and...the timing could not be more apt!! Changes in all directions and I'm really excited. To be honest, I'm slightly bored with what I've been doing the last year - just the same rack your brainz, fight the fire, get the work completed and then move to the next annnd........repeat the same cycle!! I have become predictable and for my luck, I have been able to get my work completed. But with the role change angle coming in...well boss, I'm drooling at the prospect of doing something different that I want to do!!

But then - "kahani mein twist"....my life itself changes. Let me try to describe the scenario - a lovely and needed outing to Vegas, a fun day of my third marriage anniversary with the drive back to San Diego and simple meal in the night followed by a great and deep sleep (remember - the joy of taking a day off from work and everyone else was working??). The next morning, I hear Payal calling out to me and with closed eyes and alert ears I hear - "test positive hai". For a moment, the words did not comprehend (arre yaar - sapne mein be tests aur exam ki batein?) and then it suddenly clicked. With eyes wide open and arms reaching for Payal, for a moment it was pure joy for some reason beyond my comprehension. And thennnnnnn, slowly sunk in the reality of the situation - the planning, financial back-up, insurance records (company did not send me the insurance cards yet), responsibility, loss of freedom and all the unknown. And then came the panic - what do I do? Need to speak with Achan, need to get this out and calm myself!! And so, I coaxed Payal that we need to tell our parents and why they fall out of the 'keep-out' list till she is ready to tell the world. And then came finally the much needed relief in terms of advice, joy and eagerness shown to be here soon.

At this point, after the initial tests and Payal's slow opening to everyone around, I'm at relief. A new project with different tasks, lots of historical data, never fits into one model of operation and loads of uncertainty around it - I guess I will know the nature of the outcome towards the latter part of my life. One of the 'bestest' tasks I'm undertaking and I'm glad that I'm not nervous, disappointed or unsure but waiting for the next step!!

AIDS Walk - San Diego

Getting up 5:45 AM on a Sunday morning, getting all your muscles warmed up on a cold September day and driving out with Payal and a friend to Balboa Park and be greeted by a crowd of over 300 people present to walk/run/volunteer for a noble cause - that's one of a kind experience for me (definitely the first). Anyone who would look at me first will realise that this is not something I do but then this became something I like to do. Never ever looked athletic for a single day in my life but not many know that I was a regular basketball junkie who played full games without a break!!
Anyways, coming back to the AIDS walk - it was fun. There were folks from the gay and lesbian community, some of whom had nice costumes (wondered what energy they had to to get into those and come that early in the morning); old people, people who lost dear ones to AIDS, young children who had come to enjoy the fun and school/college kids along with professionals (part of companies who contributed to the foundation) and sports clubs. The walk itself was fun - people all around, volunteers prodding on the walkers/runners while supplying them with water, Gatorade, music and lot of cheering, wonderful weather and of course quiet personal competitions going on among the groups. For my part, I was in competing with a couple of gymnasts from UCSD and a lady from Starbucks, whom I managed to pass in the last 5 mins before reaching the finish. =))
And of course, this being the first time, at the end of the walk was all the after-effects: legs were almost as good as wooden and were totally numb. I managed a recovery in 3 hours. Also Payal, who was a little more tired (as, I must add, she cheated by running during the 5 Km walk) had the same after effects!! And like every other physical activity, lot of sleeping in the afternoon.
However, I must thank the organisers, not only for putting together this event to raise money for the foundation and providing us all a wonderful opportunity to have fun and participate, but also for getting me hooked into participating in more of such events. Need to find out more on such events in India, but as long as I'm here, I'll continue to participate at every opportunity possible.

Funding V/S Work

As a project manager, I am constantly faced with the dilema of getting the project completed (mainly getting the change requests or CRs incorporated) in the face of getting customer satisfaction to being able to ask for the funding of these unanticipated changes. These are more complicated while operating in a pseudo-T&M scenarios with an offsite component. The customer always wants that one more change that is 'critical' to the success of the project while the offsite team is bothered about the funding needed to secure the resources. The challenege for me here is to maintain the relations with the customer while balancing the work so that the offsite team is still able to continue working.
The principle I use is being open to the customer in terms the amount of work involved and the cost. Also, added to this, is thinking of a solution that is suitable to the customer while not hurting us in anyway. Be sensitive to the budgets from the customer while helping them to chalk out what they really need. And provide alternates to completing everything on their wish-list. Worked for me today!!

Turn Over a new leaf

I would now like to blog on more responsible, educative topics rather than my thoughts. There are lots of reasons for this, the most prominent being that I am taking up my PMP certification ASAP. Also, I have been a witness to ardent mis-use of blogging that is equi-valent of hate mails/notes. So I no longer wish to be in any way a contibuter, even in a directional sense to any of it. So hence forth, all will see my experiences, practices and 'pravachans' on management topics.

- Gyan Guru =))

Tensions - 1

Life goes on and throws it's colourful antics every moment as it passes. Currently, married to a project that puts me in a peculiar situation. It does not allow me time for anything else. If I do take a time out, then it goes into a hyper-active mode, else I'm shown bad on all other projects. Role play in theory as a PM, unskilled worker activity in actual!! Stagnant in the actual role play and it's frustrating that I'm stuck in a place that drains my energy and still makes me look bad!! Do I enjoy what I'm doing?? Well to be honest I like being in the stress and fighting it out, else I'm bored. From everyone else's point-of-view, I'm not not achieveing anything - pressure from the family at this point!! Everyone else is moving higher and I'm stuck at in a place with no actual growth :(

What am I currently doing you ask? Well enjoying what I'm doing for now and there are no other pressing issues that need to worry me. But tensions, well I sort of am loving them - kind of have to have them but cannot bear them!!

Schumi wins, me thrilled!!

Finally....finally....the long awaited win for Schumi after I last saw his win in 2004 (technically I do not count the race in which all Michellin cars with-drew)....and the best part, it was not because Alonso or Kimi or Montoya or Button or Rubens crashed, but he led it from pole to finish.... missed it live, but re-lived the entire race through most entries made on the net and every picture I could find on the same....the car is slowly improving, Schumi was always great and now he's neatly into the second place.....Alonso - watch out.....once victory is tasted, there is no stopping.....had I a chance of watching the F1, surely it would be a Schumi season!!

2006 Formula 1

The whole of last year I was in the US and missed the entire formula 1 season of 2005. Being a core Ferrari fan for Schumi, I can say my absence cost him the title. And Ferrari ran into so much troubled waters that his partner Bari quit Ferrari to join Honda. I wonder how that team will do - Button and Bari. Felipe Massa is the new partner for Schumi, but I always doubt if he can replace Bari's position that earned this team such a huge repute. And now the 2006 formula 1 season has started with Alonso beating Schumi by 1.2 seconds!! What an exciting match and I could feel it when I just browsed through the timings and articles from the race. And hey its not Australia, its Bahrain.....I'm sure trying to build the interest there.
Well Schumi lost, but then the whole season's ahead. Best of Luck Schumi and Best of Luck Ferrari!!

Harishonomics!!

If I said that my blogging has taken a back seat since I've got extremely busy at work, then I would be treading the thin line between lie and wishful fantasy.....but, the more dicey situation would be telling P the truth as to why I'm not going to the gym.
Last evening was the best I had in a lot of days....no tensions, television and vodka with P obliging to sit with me the whole time...a whole lot peace without having to bother about work, weight, socializing and going to the list of "you have not done.........". I also managed to catch up on the Indian budget, including a quick refresher on fiscal deficit, revenue deficit - in short a macro economics revision of sorts!! This really ignited my angel-demon debate on whether I'm adding any value to anything keeping so much knowledge/ideas lying useless (I would like to point out that I'm not claiming that these could help in anyway, but who knows?) or should I actually get into the teaching profession....why? Well, for starters, I'm pre-qualified as I share my birthday with all the teachers in India!!
At work, I'm in a spot right know - transition between roles....not totally into the new role and trying to complete my tasks in the previous role.....and sometimes it gets really boring....like being a wire connecting the battery to the light bulb....everything that happens is with the light and the battery.....and had both been together, it would still be the same....and the wire hardly ever adds value!!
Anyways, the current joys in my life - the issues 28, 29, 30 and 31 of Asterix that I've not read and the PMP preparation guide that reminds me of everything I've learnt and (more importantly) had put into practice without having connected the two!! Who ever thought that I actually could use what I learnt.....can award full points to my professors at IBS Bangalore, who were the objects of my affectionate jokes on practicality of many models and plans taught at school......I know P would be hating me for focusing on everything but her, though the truth remain (as I've always maintained and told her) - she's the 'cocaine' for my everyday existence, don't know whether the addiction is good or bad, but definitely vital to survive!!