Have you ever realized that even though one has tons of work in a day, there is something missing? I have always been intrigued by what other people do, momentarily inspired when other people narrate their stories of achievement of milestone outside their 'perceived domains' but at the end, do the same work all over again. I sometimes think that I cannot complete the tasks and amaze myself when I finally complete them (keep in mind that these are tasks that I am supposed to complete). Do I sound like an everyday Joe or am I unique (I would love to know the reality of this one day).
What inspires me is a mystery unsolved! All I know is that I want to do something different from my routine - no not something thats a challenge, but something that would help me relax and help me get ready for the actual tasks in the future. Not yoga, not gardening and definitely not something that would take a lot of time. I have not given up reading, though I need a direction. I realize that in the last few years, I have taken a hermit's exit from poetry and painting. Also I need to spend sometime around V. Lots of questions and no answers at this point...

My Greatest Task Undertaken

Awwrite......A new twist in my life and...the timing could not be more apt!! Changes in all directions and I'm really excited. To be honest, I'm slightly bored with what I've been doing the last year - just the same rack your brainz, fight the fire, get the work completed and then move to the next annnd........repeat the same cycle!! I have become predictable and for my luck, I have been able to get my work completed. But with the role change angle coming in...well boss, I'm drooling at the prospect of doing something different that I want to do!!

But then - "kahani mein twist"....my life itself changes. Let me try to describe the scenario - a lovely and needed outing to Vegas, a fun day of my third marriage anniversary with the drive back to San Diego and simple meal in the night followed by a great and deep sleep (remember - the joy of taking a day off from work and everyone else was working??). The next morning, I hear Payal calling out to me and with closed eyes and alert ears I hear - "test positive hai". For a moment, the words did not comprehend (arre yaar - sapne mein be tests aur exam ki batein?) and then it suddenly clicked. With eyes wide open and arms reaching for Payal, for a moment it was pure joy for some reason beyond my comprehension. And thennnnnnn, slowly sunk in the reality of the situation - the planning, financial back-up, insurance records (company did not send me the insurance cards yet), responsibility, loss of freedom and all the unknown. And then came the panic - what do I do? Need to speak with Achan, need to get this out and calm myself!! And so, I coaxed Payal that we need to tell our parents and why they fall out of the 'keep-out' list till she is ready to tell the world. And then came finally the much needed relief in terms of advice, joy and eagerness shown to be here soon.

At this point, after the initial tests and Payal's slow opening to everyone around, I'm at relief. A new project with different tasks, lots of historical data, never fits into one model of operation and loads of uncertainty around it - I guess I will know the nature of the outcome towards the latter part of my life. One of the 'bestest' tasks I'm undertaking and I'm glad that I'm not nervous, disappointed or unsure but waiting for the next step!!

AIDS Walk - San Diego

Getting up 5:45 AM on a Sunday morning, getting all your muscles warmed up on a cold September day and driving out with Payal and a friend to Balboa Park and be greeted by a crowd of over 300 people present to walk/run/volunteer for a noble cause - that's one of a kind experience for me (definitely the first). Anyone who would look at me first will realise that this is not something I do but then this became something I like to do. Never ever looked athletic for a single day in my life but not many know that I was a regular basketball junkie who played full games without a break!!
Anyways, coming back to the AIDS walk - it was fun. There were folks from the gay and lesbian community, some of whom had nice costumes (wondered what energy they had to to get into those and come that early in the morning); old people, people who lost dear ones to AIDS, young children who had come to enjoy the fun and school/college kids along with professionals (part of companies who contributed to the foundation) and sports clubs. The walk itself was fun - people all around, volunteers prodding on the walkers/runners while supplying them with water, Gatorade, music and lot of cheering, wonderful weather and of course quiet personal competitions going on among the groups. For my part, I was in competing with a couple of gymnasts from UCSD and a lady from Starbucks, whom I managed to pass in the last 5 mins before reaching the finish. =))
And of course, this being the first time, at the end of the walk was all the after-effects: legs were almost as good as wooden and were totally numb. I managed a recovery in 3 hours. Also Payal, who was a little more tired (as, I must add, she cheated by running during the 5 Km walk) had the same after effects!! And like every other physical activity, lot of sleeping in the afternoon.
However, I must thank the organisers, not only for putting together this event to raise money for the foundation and providing us all a wonderful opportunity to have fun and participate, but also for getting me hooked into participating in more of such events. Need to find out more on such events in India, but as long as I'm here, I'll continue to participate at every opportunity possible.

Funding V/S Work

As a project manager, I am constantly faced with the dilema of getting the project completed (mainly getting the change requests or CRs incorporated) in the face of getting customer satisfaction to being able to ask for the funding of these unanticipated changes. These are more complicated while operating in a pseudo-T&M scenarios with an offsite component. The customer always wants that one more change that is 'critical' to the success of the project while the offsite team is bothered about the funding needed to secure the resources. The challenege for me here is to maintain the relations with the customer while balancing the work so that the offsite team is still able to continue working.
The principle I use is being open to the customer in terms the amount of work involved and the cost. Also, added to this, is thinking of a solution that is suitable to the customer while not hurting us in anyway. Be sensitive to the budgets from the customer while helping them to chalk out what they really need. And provide alternates to completing everything on their wish-list. Worked for me today!!

Turn Over a new leaf

I would now like to blog on more responsible, educative topics rather than my thoughts. There are lots of reasons for this, the most prominent being that I am taking up my PMP certification ASAP. Also, I have been a witness to ardent mis-use of blogging that is equi-valent of hate mails/notes. So I no longer wish to be in any way a contibuter, even in a directional sense to any of it. So hence forth, all will see my experiences, practices and 'pravachans' on management topics.

- Gyan Guru =))

Tensions - 1

Life goes on and throws it's colourful antics every moment as it passes. Currently, married to a project that puts me in a peculiar situation. It does not allow me time for anything else. If I do take a time out, then it goes into a hyper-active mode, else I'm shown bad on all other projects. Role play in theory as a PM, unskilled worker activity in actual!! Stagnant in the actual role play and it's frustrating that I'm stuck in a place that drains my energy and still makes me look bad!! Do I enjoy what I'm doing?? Well to be honest I like being in the stress and fighting it out, else I'm bored. From everyone else's point-of-view, I'm not not achieveing anything - pressure from the family at this point!! Everyone else is moving higher and I'm stuck at in a place with no actual growth :(

What am I currently doing you ask? Well enjoying what I'm doing for now and there are no other pressing issues that need to worry me. But tensions, well I sort of am loving them - kind of have to have them but cannot bear them!!

Schumi wins, me thrilled!!

Finally....finally....the long awaited win for Schumi after I last saw his win in 2004 (technically I do not count the race in which all Michellin cars with-drew)....and the best part, it was not because Alonso or Kimi or Montoya or Button or Rubens crashed, but he led it from pole to finish.... missed it live, but re-lived the entire race through most entries made on the net and every picture I could find on the same....the car is slowly improving, Schumi was always great and now he's neatly into the second place.....Alonso - watch out.....once victory is tasted, there is no stopping.....had I a chance of watching the F1, surely it would be a Schumi season!!

2006 Formula 1

The whole of last year I was in the US and missed the entire formula 1 season of 2005. Being a core Ferrari fan for Schumi, I can say my absence cost him the title. And Ferrari ran into so much troubled waters that his partner Bari quit Ferrari to join Honda. I wonder how that team will do - Button and Bari. Felipe Massa is the new partner for Schumi, but I always doubt if he can replace Bari's position that earned this team such a huge repute. And now the 2006 formula 1 season has started with Alonso beating Schumi by 1.2 seconds!! What an exciting match and I could feel it when I just browsed through the timings and articles from the race. And hey its not Australia, its Bahrain.....I'm sure trying to build the interest there.
Well Schumi lost, but then the whole season's ahead. Best of Luck Schumi and Best of Luck Ferrari!!

Harishonomics!!

If I said that my blogging has taken a back seat since I've got extremely busy at work, then I would be treading the thin line between lie and wishful fantasy.....but, the more dicey situation would be telling P the truth as to why I'm not going to the gym.
Last evening was the best I had in a lot of days....no tensions, television and vodka with P obliging to sit with me the whole time...a whole lot peace without having to bother about work, weight, socializing and going to the list of "you have not done.........". I also managed to catch up on the Indian budget, including a quick refresher on fiscal deficit, revenue deficit - in short a macro economics revision of sorts!! This really ignited my angel-demon debate on whether I'm adding any value to anything keeping so much knowledge/ideas lying useless (I would like to point out that I'm not claiming that these could help in anyway, but who knows?) or should I actually get into the teaching profession....why? Well, for starters, I'm pre-qualified as I share my birthday with all the teachers in India!!
At work, I'm in a spot right know - transition between roles....not totally into the new role and trying to complete my tasks in the previous role.....and sometimes it gets really boring....like being a wire connecting the battery to the light bulb....everything that happens is with the light and the battery.....and had both been together, it would still be the same....and the wire hardly ever adds value!!
Anyways, the current joys in my life - the issues 28, 29, 30 and 31 of Asterix that I've not read and the PMP preparation guide that reminds me of everything I've learnt and (more importantly) had put into practice without having connected the two!! Who ever thought that I actually could use what I learnt.....can award full points to my professors at IBS Bangalore, who were the objects of my affectionate jokes on practicality of many models and plans taught at school......I know P would be hating me for focusing on everything but her, though the truth remain (as I've always maintained and told her) - she's the 'cocaine' for my everyday existence, don't know whether the addiction is good or bad, but definitely vital to survive!!

Why do we do what we do?

What makes a task more complicated is it's direct dependency on the complexity of coordination that is involved. The higher the complexity, the higher the higher the chances of failure and higher the joy of success. How often do we feel the immense joy of snatching the victory from the mouth of failure, however insignificant it might be!!
Also, how many of us enjoy being in this situation? And to add more, how often do we want to be in this situation? Sure, these are the kind of things that act as steroids to stress level, so whats the attaction? These are the questions I've been asking and there are never ever any answers. I've been observing a small group that day-in and out face these situations, do not make any materialistic gain but go on for days and days as though they are never tired? Will someone ever recognize the work? Maybe not!! So whats the trigger?? My guess is that equilibrium has to be attained and the entropy in the situation has to definitely minimize as the equilibrium approaches as in the third law of themodynamics. So we reach the magical question that is perched on the Mt. Everest of all questions - when will it happen?
Maybe we all are waiting for a lot of when's in our lives and probably thats the juice that flows and keeps us moving on!!

Dilema

The uncertainity of time is very evident to me - there are things I want to do and there are things that are bound to happen. In the matrix of these two, a variety of combinations are possible and the favourable ones are least expected to happen but most wanted. To choose one among the two as a priority is a difficult choice - if you keep doing things you want to do and not care for anything else, you are branded arrogant, aggressive, head-strong and what not; while if you choose to resign to time, then you are weak-hearted, unambitious, etc. In Indian culture both have their acceptance levels and generally a mix is considered to be good, but then should one be an average person or try to be an achiever even in the face of repeated failure or a failure who with luck can be a sort of achiever. Right now I'm facing this dilema and am afraid that I might choose something at the cost of the other and I'm very much a function to that cost at the moment. One thing I hate is not being where I want to go and career too is not an exception to this rule. So, as you might have already guessed, there are somethings I want to do, but am not sure whether I might get the opportunity to do it. Ideally I would look for the suitable opportunity at almost any cost till I get to do what I want to do. I hope I'll be doing the write things.

New Year 2006

For the first time I partied on a New Year's night in a place that was not paid-organised but more like a get-together that had all the fun of a party (to be understood as booze, games, food, music and dance). New Year is pretty fun all the time, except that I've noticed that if I sleep through it, the year goes by pretty well. The only time I remember actually blasting it out was on the advent of this century (20th to 21st) and that time the year was really good - infact lot of things that happened then, laid foundations to what I'm now. Lets check what this year has in store!! Lot of unknowns and hope pieces fall in place as the year moves on!!

Hapyy New Year to All!!

USP

USP or unique selling point is vital for my life. I need to be convinced of what I'm doing, not just do the ordinary thing to survive. I'm never happy to run faster to remain at the same point, I need to move ahead too. Its just not in me to be happy that whatever I'm doing since the past one year, I've become exceedingly well at that and there's nothing new. Like Chetan Bhagat says in his book "One night @ Call Centre", the four important things for success are: intelligence, imagination, self confidence and FAILURE. I'm OK with the last ingredient, but not a great fan of it. I've been doing what I'm doing for long and have always managed to find a way out. But then suddenly I realize that all my colleagues have moved ahead and now speak a language that I cannot understand. And all of a sudden, what I'm doing is what anyone else with average intelligence can do and I do not have a USP - nothing unique to convince myself that I'm contributing to my work. Suddenly became a person who serves "chai/koffee" in a big productive environment, who cannot even understand what the "bosses" are talking even though get full exposure to their conversation. So, I'm complete with all ingredients for breakdown - no intelligence, absolutely no imagination, low on self-confidence and no failure since there is nothing new to try; all ready to roll downhill!! Seems I need some 'military' talk rather nice talking or maybe I just need to have a fight with my dad which will help me 'clean my head'. Or maybe I just need a call from God!!

A story goes like this:

One night the author dreamt that he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the dark sky flashed the scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. But when he looked back at the footprints, he noticed only one set of footprints at the lowest and saddest times of his life. Disappointed, he asked the Lord as to why He left him when he needed Him the most. He whispered: "My child, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you"

This story is widely known as the "Footprints on the sands of time". To think about this, its very true. However deeply in trouble we are, end is never at that point. Somehow we manage to move on, get into more troubles or better life, but still we move on!! Does one ever wonder what took us through the previous pain? Does one remember to turn back and look at the "footprints"? No, because we are all tuned in such a way that we always look ahead without being thankful for how we reach where we are!! Like in the 'Gita', even if a sinner seeks the shelter of the lord, the lord always welcomes with open arms. Same reason how in the 'Mahabharath' when King Yudhistir reaches heaven to see his 'evil' cousin Dhuryodhan already there. Why this philosophy you may ask?
Because in the past few days I've realised the importance of smart work. I've always been talking about this, but I've actually done it only in the last few days. In fact this smart work was delegation - something I've always encouraged others but forgot that I never did it myself.
Situation - I've working actively on 3 projects and generally I am very closely involved with these projects. Sad to say that I get so involved that I generally know the in and out of these projects if not every line in the code. I'm always proud of this fact but then forgot that some place I lost sight of attachment I had - something so precious that growing up in the chain would be diffcult. But now I delegate the work but still check on people to ensure that (still that small attachment).
I know 2 paras, 2 different thought streams.....thats the stress I'm under and unable focus. Will try to be more focussed now on :)

Domain Expertise

Today I had a really wonderful meeting. Between a group of 3 from coporate marketing of my client company, there was so much knowledge about the 3G Wireless industry and the wireless industry as a whole. But the catch was that it was restricted just the branding and services offered by various operators in the field. So I was wondering at the end of the meeting that if I could spend sufficient time with all these people, would I become a domain expert? And more over, since its such a specialised area, it would more be like a sub-domain expert. If thats the case, what really does it mean when one refers to as domain expert? According to me, no one can practically have an understanding of any entire domain unless thats more like a niche and in which case, there wouldn't be a 'domain-expert'. Or unless the sub domains have become so fine-grained to call it a domain by itself!! Guess either I have to choose and bestow myself with the tag of domain-expert or be silent with the knowledge gained.

Diwali Mystery

Diwali - the festival of lights. Signifies the victory of good over evil and as far I can recall, Ayodhya citizens welcomed lord Rama back and they lit up the entire city with lights. Every year in India this is celebrated with crackers bursting, lighting up entire streets and of course lots of sweets and new clothes. One festival which is celebrated by all communities and really brings out the unity among people - some in there for the fun of it, some in there for the religion and some just be a part of it!! And moreover, all Indians really miss this while abroad and tend to staisfy themselves with parties and get-togethers.
The mystery in this is that even though one never indulged in this festive ocassion, its really sad that one cannot be in India at this time. And for me, a person who never indulged in this much, I miss all the spirit and fun I used to see around me sitting in this country far away.
I wish everyone a Very Happy Diwali!!

Dedicated to the NON-BELIEVERS

Name: Carrot
Scientific Name: Daucus carota

Today was another day that I had a debate over the colors in a carrot. In India, the south pre-dominantly see only carrots in 'orange' color while in the north we can also see 'red' color. However, its believed that the 'red' ones are sweeter than the 'orange' ones and hence we use the former to prepare 'gajar ka halwa' which, I must add, is one among my favorite desserts. Like usual, people do not believe in the 'red' color of the carrot - some outright deny the existence of that and other call it 'pink'. Either people want to see the colors they want to (there cannot be much hope in this case) or they are plain ignorant. And more over, when I went to Bhopal to my in-laws place, I made it a point to get a picture of the 'red' carrots. Still folks accuse me of getting the carrots painted in red or saying that the tip is 'orange' and hence they are not 'red' carrots. And the people I had argument with today, well they are the hopeless case. They see what they want to and hear what they want to - and believe that world is perfectly predictable. Lets toast to their belief and one would be very naive if they believed in such innocence existing in the work. The truth - eccentricity is their motto of life!!

Amazing day!!

I think the stress is finally catching up with me. I think the picture about sums up my feeling. Its been on me since last night and as time advances, my irritation is getting higher. Maybe I've been working too hard, maybe I want to do too much and nothing is working out, maybe I am kind of feeling left out or maybe the fun is finally over. But all said and done, I'm miserable without any aid to cheer myself up. And to top it all, all I can see are expenses and bill with zilch as my savings. I'm tired - being bugged at office with client who ahve un-ending demands and at home with the fact that I can never do anything for my educated-forced-to-sit-at-home wife. In short, a complete failure with no money to save and highly unsuccessful at keeping anyone happy!! Sometimes that might count as an achievement, but this times it's as throught the thunder-clouds are raining only on top of my head while everyone is basking in sunshine. Life goes on, but its sort-of frozen for me. I hate H1-B and strongly feel that to classify for h1-B, one should either be unmarried or the married couple both should qualify. Otherwise it's the worst thing one can end up with. I'm already a victim!!

Hurt - Is the job worth it?

I generally am very attached to every project that I work on. I cannot sleep in peace even if there is one small bug in production will try everything possible to get stuff working and can catch anyone's leg to solve an issue and get it out there in production. I love what I do in projects, even the smallest things are monumental achievements that calls for celebrations. Every time something is accomplished, I'm extremely thrilled. But who says life is fair - when you take projects with this enthusiasm, how come always a new person walks in and takes away everything from you and the only thing you are responsible is development? Then why the hell call me a coordinator if I had to sit onsite and do development? I'm not enchanted by the fact that I'm onsite. Sure it earns me more money, but if that were ever my concern, I would have been working for money and would have had a break though long back. I'm here since I have different interests in my career and moreover, I saw a possibility to pursue it under my project manager. But the moment I get a chance to take a peek at what I wanted to do, it's already "the end" for me. So, I am hurt, very badly and deeply hurt that I've lost all the interest in this project. But then the real question is if the job is worth for me to take this hurt? Well, for now yes. The reason is that I trust my PM and I believe that nothing is messed up and sincerity never goes un-rewarded. Anyway, let me wait and see the shape this mist is building around me and how long it can last!!

Update: Short of reaching the pie

Second thoughts: Just forget it - for all practical reasons, abilities are secondary to position on the hierarchical ladder!!