Dedicated to the NON-BELIEVERS

Name: Carrot
Scientific Name: Daucus carota

Today was another day that I had a debate over the colors in a carrot. In India, the south pre-dominantly see only carrots in 'orange' color while in the north we can also see 'red' color. However, its believed that the 'red' ones are sweeter than the 'orange' ones and hence we use the former to prepare 'gajar ka halwa' which, I must add, is one among my favorite desserts. Like usual, people do not believe in the 'red' color of the carrot - some outright deny the existence of that and other call it 'pink'. Either people want to see the colors they want to (there cannot be much hope in this case) or they are plain ignorant. And more over, when I went to Bhopal to my in-laws place, I made it a point to get a picture of the 'red' carrots. Still folks accuse me of getting the carrots painted in red or saying that the tip is 'orange' and hence they are not 'red' carrots. And the people I had argument with today, well they are the hopeless case. They see what they want to and hear what they want to - and believe that world is perfectly predictable. Lets toast to their belief and one would be very naive if they believed in such innocence existing in the work. The truth - eccentricity is their motto of life!!

Amazing day!!

I think the stress is finally catching up with me. I think the picture about sums up my feeling. Its been on me since last night and as time advances, my irritation is getting higher. Maybe I've been working too hard, maybe I want to do too much and nothing is working out, maybe I am kind of feeling left out or maybe the fun is finally over. But all said and done, I'm miserable without any aid to cheer myself up. And to top it all, all I can see are expenses and bill with zilch as my savings. I'm tired - being bugged at office with client who ahve un-ending demands and at home with the fact that I can never do anything for my educated-forced-to-sit-at-home wife. In short, a complete failure with no money to save and highly unsuccessful at keeping anyone happy!! Sometimes that might count as an achievement, but this times it's as throught the thunder-clouds are raining only on top of my head while everyone is basking in sunshine. Life goes on, but its sort-of frozen for me. I hate H1-B and strongly feel that to classify for h1-B, one should either be unmarried or the married couple both should qualify. Otherwise it's the worst thing one can end up with. I'm already a victim!!

Hurt - Is the job worth it?

I generally am very attached to every project that I work on. I cannot sleep in peace even if there is one small bug in production will try everything possible to get stuff working and can catch anyone's leg to solve an issue and get it out there in production. I love what I do in projects, even the smallest things are monumental achievements that calls for celebrations. Every time something is accomplished, I'm extremely thrilled. But who says life is fair - when you take projects with this enthusiasm, how come always a new person walks in and takes away everything from you and the only thing you are responsible is development? Then why the hell call me a coordinator if I had to sit onsite and do development? I'm not enchanted by the fact that I'm onsite. Sure it earns me more money, but if that were ever my concern, I would have been working for money and would have had a break though long back. I'm here since I have different interests in my career and moreover, I saw a possibility to pursue it under my project manager. But the moment I get a chance to take a peek at what I wanted to do, it's already "the end" for me. So, I am hurt, very badly and deeply hurt that I've lost all the interest in this project. But then the real question is if the job is worth for me to take this hurt? Well, for now yes. The reason is that I trust my PM and I believe that nothing is messed up and sincerity never goes un-rewarded. Anyway, let me wait and see the shape this mist is building around me and how long it can last!!

Update: Short of reaching the pie

Second thoughts: Just forget it - for all practical reasons, abilities are secondary to position on the hierarchical ladder!!

Short of reaching the pie

Like the 'beautiful' bargains I end up with, another one has been handed down. I've been pretty busy and lazy to blog since my last post since I've trying to get into a more responsible routine. Though pretty much of the time I am working (compelling Payal to protest everyday), sometimes I end up "washing the donkey's ass". I am a pretty choosy person when it comes to my boss and I only enjoy the work if I perceive that my boss is capable. Else it really put me off. Currently, my boss is on leave and he had pretty much cordoned off the work areas of each member. But circumstances or force has another person in my team to ask me status every day even when my boss used to get in only when he felt I was going off track. Now I cannot do much since hierarchy demands me to work under him, even though I feel quite as capable as him at least. So now I've to wait for opportunity to climb up the hierarchy to do something I very well feel I can do. Reason? I'm not anywhere close to a gambler and I only do things when I know the odds of success are 99.99%. Even a little bit of hesitancy means I'll try to wiggle my way out of it. So if I feel confident, then 1+ 1 = 2 (mathematically). Anyways, life moves on and nothing waits for another. But one day I shall have someone answer the questions of this justice.
And hey, I'm back to blogging and hope to get regular again :)