2006 Formula 1

The whole of last year I was in the US and missed the entire formula 1 season of 2005. Being a core Ferrari fan for Schumi, I can say my absence cost him the title. And Ferrari ran into so much troubled waters that his partner Bari quit Ferrari to join Honda. I wonder how that team will do - Button and Bari. Felipe Massa is the new partner for Schumi, but I always doubt if he can replace Bari's position that earned this team such a huge repute. And now the 2006 formula 1 season has started with Alonso beating Schumi by 1.2 seconds!! What an exciting match and I could feel it when I just browsed through the timings and articles from the race. And hey its not Australia, its Bahrain.....I'm sure trying to build the interest there.
Well Schumi lost, but then the whole season's ahead. Best of Luck Schumi and Best of Luck Ferrari!!

Harishonomics!!

If I said that my blogging has taken a back seat since I've got extremely busy at work, then I would be treading the thin line between lie and wishful fantasy.....but, the more dicey situation would be telling P the truth as to why I'm not going to the gym.
Last evening was the best I had in a lot of days....no tensions, television and vodka with P obliging to sit with me the whole time...a whole lot peace without having to bother about work, weight, socializing and going to the list of "you have not done.........". I also managed to catch up on the Indian budget, including a quick refresher on fiscal deficit, revenue deficit - in short a macro economics revision of sorts!! This really ignited my angel-demon debate on whether I'm adding any value to anything keeping so much knowledge/ideas lying useless (I would like to point out that I'm not claiming that these could help in anyway, but who knows?) or should I actually get into the teaching profession....why? Well, for starters, I'm pre-qualified as I share my birthday with all the teachers in India!!
At work, I'm in a spot right know - transition between roles....not totally into the new role and trying to complete my tasks in the previous role.....and sometimes it gets really boring....like being a wire connecting the battery to the light bulb....everything that happens is with the light and the battery.....and had both been together, it would still be the same....and the wire hardly ever adds value!!
Anyways, the current joys in my life - the issues 28, 29, 30 and 31 of Asterix that I've not read and the PMP preparation guide that reminds me of everything I've learnt and (more importantly) had put into practice without having connected the two!! Who ever thought that I actually could use what I learnt.....can award full points to my professors at IBS Bangalore, who were the objects of my affectionate jokes on practicality of many models and plans taught at school......I know P would be hating me for focusing on everything but her, though the truth remain (as I've always maintained and told her) - she's the 'cocaine' for my everyday existence, don't know whether the addiction is good or bad, but definitely vital to survive!!

Why do we do what we do?

What makes a task more complicated is it's direct dependency on the complexity of coordination that is involved. The higher the complexity, the higher the higher the chances of failure and higher the joy of success. How often do we feel the immense joy of snatching the victory from the mouth of failure, however insignificant it might be!!
Also, how many of us enjoy being in this situation? And to add more, how often do we want to be in this situation? Sure, these are the kind of things that act as steroids to stress level, so whats the attaction? These are the questions I've been asking and there are never ever any answers. I've been observing a small group that day-in and out face these situations, do not make any materialistic gain but go on for days and days as though they are never tired? Will someone ever recognize the work? Maybe not!! So whats the trigger?? My guess is that equilibrium has to be attained and the entropy in the situation has to definitely minimize as the equilibrium approaches as in the third law of themodynamics. So we reach the magical question that is perched on the Mt. Everest of all questions - when will it happen?
Maybe we all are waiting for a lot of when's in our lives and probably thats the juice that flows and keeps us moving on!!

Dilema

The uncertainity of time is very evident to me - there are things I want to do and there are things that are bound to happen. In the matrix of these two, a variety of combinations are possible and the favourable ones are least expected to happen but most wanted. To choose one among the two as a priority is a difficult choice - if you keep doing things you want to do and not care for anything else, you are branded arrogant, aggressive, head-strong and what not; while if you choose to resign to time, then you are weak-hearted, unambitious, etc. In Indian culture both have their acceptance levels and generally a mix is considered to be good, but then should one be an average person or try to be an achiever even in the face of repeated failure or a failure who with luck can be a sort of achiever. Right now I'm facing this dilema and am afraid that I might choose something at the cost of the other and I'm very much a function to that cost at the moment. One thing I hate is not being where I want to go and career too is not an exception to this rule. So, as you might have already guessed, there are somethings I want to do, but am not sure whether I might get the opportunity to do it. Ideally I would look for the suitable opportunity at almost any cost till I get to do what I want to do. I hope I'll be doing the write things.

New Year 2006

For the first time I partied on a New Year's night in a place that was not paid-organised but more like a get-together that had all the fun of a party (to be understood as booze, games, food, music and dance). New Year is pretty fun all the time, except that I've noticed that if I sleep through it, the year goes by pretty well. The only time I remember actually blasting it out was on the advent of this century (20th to 21st) and that time the year was really good - infact lot of things that happened then, laid foundations to what I'm now. Lets check what this year has in store!! Lot of unknowns and hope pieces fall in place as the year moves on!!

Hapyy New Year to All!!

USP

USP or unique selling point is vital for my life. I need to be convinced of what I'm doing, not just do the ordinary thing to survive. I'm never happy to run faster to remain at the same point, I need to move ahead too. Its just not in me to be happy that whatever I'm doing since the past one year, I've become exceedingly well at that and there's nothing new. Like Chetan Bhagat says in his book "One night @ Call Centre", the four important things for success are: intelligence, imagination, self confidence and FAILURE. I'm OK with the last ingredient, but not a great fan of it. I've been doing what I'm doing for long and have always managed to find a way out. But then suddenly I realize that all my colleagues have moved ahead and now speak a language that I cannot understand. And all of a sudden, what I'm doing is what anyone else with average intelligence can do and I do not have a USP - nothing unique to convince myself that I'm contributing to my work. Suddenly became a person who serves "chai/koffee" in a big productive environment, who cannot even understand what the "bosses" are talking even though get full exposure to their conversation. So, I'm complete with all ingredients for breakdown - no intelligence, absolutely no imagination, low on self-confidence and no failure since there is nothing new to try; all ready to roll downhill!! Seems I need some 'military' talk rather nice talking or maybe I just need to have a fight with my dad which will help me 'clean my head'. Or maybe I just need a call from God!!

A story goes like this:

One night the author dreamt that he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the dark sky flashed the scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him and the other to the Lord. But when he looked back at the footprints, he noticed only one set of footprints at the lowest and saddest times of his life. Disappointed, he asked the Lord as to why He left him when he needed Him the most. He whispered: "My child, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you"

This story is widely known as the "Footprints on the sands of time". To think about this, its very true. However deeply in trouble we are, end is never at that point. Somehow we manage to move on, get into more troubles or better life, but still we move on!! Does one ever wonder what took us through the previous pain? Does one remember to turn back and look at the "footprints"? No, because we are all tuned in such a way that we always look ahead without being thankful for how we reach where we are!! Like in the 'Gita', even if a sinner seeks the shelter of the lord, the lord always welcomes with open arms. Same reason how in the 'Mahabharath' when King Yudhistir reaches heaven to see his 'evil' cousin Dhuryodhan already there. Why this philosophy you may ask?
Because in the past few days I've realised the importance of smart work. I've always been talking about this, but I've actually done it only in the last few days. In fact this smart work was delegation - something I've always encouraged others but forgot that I never did it myself.
Situation - I've working actively on 3 projects and generally I am very closely involved with these projects. Sad to say that I get so involved that I generally know the in and out of these projects if not every line in the code. I'm always proud of this fact but then forgot that some place I lost sight of attachment I had - something so precious that growing up in the chain would be diffcult. But now I delegate the work but still check on people to ensure that (still that small attachment).
I know 2 paras, 2 different thought streams.....thats the stress I'm under and unable focus. Will try to be more focussed now on :)

Domain Expertise

Today I had a really wonderful meeting. Between a group of 3 from coporate marketing of my client company, there was so much knowledge about the 3G Wireless industry and the wireless industry as a whole. But the catch was that it was restricted just the branding and services offered by various operators in the field. So I was wondering at the end of the meeting that if I could spend sufficient time with all these people, would I become a domain expert? And more over, since its such a specialised area, it would more be like a sub-domain expert. If thats the case, what really does it mean when one refers to as domain expert? According to me, no one can practically have an understanding of any entire domain unless thats more like a niche and in which case, there wouldn't be a 'domain-expert'. Or unless the sub domains have become so fine-grained to call it a domain by itself!! Guess either I have to choose and bestow myself with the tag of domain-expert or be silent with the knowledge gained.

Diwali Mystery

Diwali - the festival of lights. Signifies the victory of good over evil and as far I can recall, Ayodhya citizens welcomed lord Rama back and they lit up the entire city with lights. Every year in India this is celebrated with crackers bursting, lighting up entire streets and of course lots of sweets and new clothes. One festival which is celebrated by all communities and really brings out the unity among people - some in there for the fun of it, some in there for the religion and some just be a part of it!! And moreover, all Indians really miss this while abroad and tend to staisfy themselves with parties and get-togethers.
The mystery in this is that even though one never indulged in this festive ocassion, its really sad that one cannot be in India at this time. And for me, a person who never indulged in this much, I miss all the spirit and fun I used to see around me sitting in this country far away.
I wish everyone a Very Happy Diwali!!

Dedicated to the NON-BELIEVERS

Name: Carrot
Scientific Name: Daucus carota

Today was another day that I had a debate over the colors in a carrot. In India, the south pre-dominantly see only carrots in 'orange' color while in the north we can also see 'red' color. However, its believed that the 'red' ones are sweeter than the 'orange' ones and hence we use the former to prepare 'gajar ka halwa' which, I must add, is one among my favorite desserts. Like usual, people do not believe in the 'red' color of the carrot - some outright deny the existence of that and other call it 'pink'. Either people want to see the colors they want to (there cannot be much hope in this case) or they are plain ignorant. And more over, when I went to Bhopal to my in-laws place, I made it a point to get a picture of the 'red' carrots. Still folks accuse me of getting the carrots painted in red or saying that the tip is 'orange' and hence they are not 'red' carrots. And the people I had argument with today, well they are the hopeless case. They see what they want to and hear what they want to - and believe that world is perfectly predictable. Lets toast to their belief and one would be very naive if they believed in such innocence existing in the work. The truth - eccentricity is their motto of life!!

Amazing day!!

I think the stress is finally catching up with me. I think the picture about sums up my feeling. Its been on me since last night and as time advances, my irritation is getting higher. Maybe I've been working too hard, maybe I want to do too much and nothing is working out, maybe I am kind of feeling left out or maybe the fun is finally over. But all said and done, I'm miserable without any aid to cheer myself up. And to top it all, all I can see are expenses and bill with zilch as my savings. I'm tired - being bugged at office with client who ahve un-ending demands and at home with the fact that I can never do anything for my educated-forced-to-sit-at-home wife. In short, a complete failure with no money to save and highly unsuccessful at keeping anyone happy!! Sometimes that might count as an achievement, but this times it's as throught the thunder-clouds are raining only on top of my head while everyone is basking in sunshine. Life goes on, but its sort-of frozen for me. I hate H1-B and strongly feel that to classify for h1-B, one should either be unmarried or the married couple both should qualify. Otherwise it's the worst thing one can end up with. I'm already a victim!!

Hurt - Is the job worth it?

I generally am very attached to every project that I work on. I cannot sleep in peace even if there is one small bug in production will try everything possible to get stuff working and can catch anyone's leg to solve an issue and get it out there in production. I love what I do in projects, even the smallest things are monumental achievements that calls for celebrations. Every time something is accomplished, I'm extremely thrilled. But who says life is fair - when you take projects with this enthusiasm, how come always a new person walks in and takes away everything from you and the only thing you are responsible is development? Then why the hell call me a coordinator if I had to sit onsite and do development? I'm not enchanted by the fact that I'm onsite. Sure it earns me more money, but if that were ever my concern, I would have been working for money and would have had a break though long back. I'm here since I have different interests in my career and moreover, I saw a possibility to pursue it under my project manager. But the moment I get a chance to take a peek at what I wanted to do, it's already "the end" for me. So, I am hurt, very badly and deeply hurt that I've lost all the interest in this project. But then the real question is if the job is worth for me to take this hurt? Well, for now yes. The reason is that I trust my PM and I believe that nothing is messed up and sincerity never goes un-rewarded. Anyway, let me wait and see the shape this mist is building around me and how long it can last!!

Update: Short of reaching the pie

Second thoughts: Just forget it - for all practical reasons, abilities are secondary to position on the hierarchical ladder!!

Short of reaching the pie

Like the 'beautiful' bargains I end up with, another one has been handed down. I've been pretty busy and lazy to blog since my last post since I've trying to get into a more responsible routine. Though pretty much of the time I am working (compelling Payal to protest everyday), sometimes I end up "washing the donkey's ass". I am a pretty choosy person when it comes to my boss and I only enjoy the work if I perceive that my boss is capable. Else it really put me off. Currently, my boss is on leave and he had pretty much cordoned off the work areas of each member. But circumstances or force has another person in my team to ask me status every day even when my boss used to get in only when he felt I was going off track. Now I cannot do much since hierarchy demands me to work under him, even though I feel quite as capable as him at least. So now I've to wait for opportunity to climb up the hierarchy to do something I very well feel I can do. Reason? I'm not anywhere close to a gambler and I only do things when I know the odds of success are 99.99%. Even a little bit of hesitancy means I'll try to wiggle my way out of it. So if I feel confident, then 1+ 1 = 2 (mathematically). Anyways, life moves on and nothing waits for another. But one day I shall have someone answer the questions of this justice.
And hey, I'm back to blogging and hope to get regular again :)

One Year Plus

I completed about 5 quarters in TIL and looking back, this is the hardest I've ever worked. I've been working on latest technologies (and surprisingly seemed to have grasped them), high interaction with the client and lot of co-ordination. But surprisingly, I'm not satisfied with the work I've done. In-fact I feel that I've even barely stretched my hands. The reason - well after coming out of B-School, there were a lot of things that I wanted to do and I funneled them to more realistic options after working 5 quarters in MphasiS. I quit MphasiS coz I irritated with the work I was doing and any time I had original ideas, a complaint was raised against me even though it was implemented. And the worst part was my own company never stood by me. So a place where in the company had to play safe, is not a place where I would get challenges. In TIL, the life and work environment is wonderful (probably because I knew so many people already). The work I've been doing is a lot better than I did before. I mean new technologies, smart client, etc was a graduates dream, but not exactly mine. I was looking forward to more of requirements, estimations, project management, client interactions and implementations. I guess the last two I got to do a lot of and I also surprised myself with the amount of technical knowledge I've gained over the same period too. But still I've not been stretched enough to really run out of ideas. A lot of hard-work I sure did on the project, like long hours for implementation, testing, quick fixes and all that. So I should ideally be rating myself a 5 since from company stand of view and their recognition of my skills, I did a lot more than a person at that level would do. But from a personal level, I would still be a 3+ since I already am doing what I'm capable of and there has not been any situation till now I needed to stretch myself. That’s why I decided to ask for extra work. I want to see how much I can stretch myself and also how good I'm at coordinating with people whom I don't know and implement successful projects. I also did a small enhancement to ensure that I was not technically lame. Seriously, sometimes I amaze myself more than anything else. But then I still believe in my assumption that I'm the dumbest on the planet and everyone else is better than me, due to which I've to fight every moment to keep up with the rest of the pack!!

Life Never Better

To think after my last 'crib' post that I would think anything like this..........no, my performance results are not yet decided since like a government office, it's lying on the table of the top most person who has to pass it.....but is he waiting for an 'under table transaction"? Well, I'm not going to bribe him. But yes, it takes as much time or maybe even more!! My dad always said that your organization (before merger) is a shame to the private sector since it functions like a public sector. Even in my dad's organization (its central government) a performance appraisal process is completed within a month after all the paperwork and discussions are done. But then, let's not move away from the focus of my inspiration to work!!
Well I'm very happy today because I managed to get up early and I'm extremely fresh at work. Things are much clearer, I started early and things look more hopeful even though they are big road blocks. This is what should be happening everyday, but late night calls and other stuff take toll on my early rising. I've always been an early riser (I'm happy my parents put me into this habit) for 2 reasons - generally temples in Kerala open by 4 AM and while in hostel, its easier to concentrate in the morning when rest of the crowd is sleeping rather than at night when everyone are at peak activity hours. My temper is definitely more under my control today and frustrations need to try harder to upset me. I also did not get upset when I got a call from my client on a bug and I'm patiently trying to fix it!! Also there is a lot of work left on multiple projects and if I can make it early in the morning tomorrow also, it'll be just great.
A saying which made my day today:

"The quality of leadership is reflected in the caliber of people following you".

Just love the depth in it!!

Patience wearing out

I've been analyzing the major hassles I've been seeing in my organization - both from individual and team perspective. Major root cause as what I've seen is that lower upper management is badly organized with individuals who look for their gain but try to impress that they are wearing the cloak of the organization. This means that favoritism, lack of judgment (short term vs. long term), internal feuds and ignorance of employees form the backbone of the decision-making structure. While they portray and talk of bottom-line/top-line margins, in reality they are calculating their bonuses and profits at the cost of employees. Hollow speeches and material self gains are the sole intentions at most times. Why else would a person responsible for increase in sales push employees at client locations to get in more business forcefully by making it a huge part of the employee's performance evaluation and have nothing for their individual growth? Logically, why is an employee's bother (other than his main work) to help a sales guy with his job for no rhyme or reason? Why would the processing of a person's performance evaluation after being approved by his manager and group manager still not be complete? Just cause the domain head has to prove a point? Why would an organization fight for an ODC in Mumbai or Bangalore and be resolved (or move closer to resolution) when the client steps in? And why would an organization have a favoritism towards the HQ location and neglect other centers? In all this what is talking about share holders’ wealth creation? Attrition rates? Petty fights? Showing lack of decision making ability and disjoint ness of the organization to the client?
One of the foremost qualities for being a manager is understand the difference. What difference? The fact that individuality is sacrificed for the team and your influence on the team is responsible for the outcome of the tasks. If individuality is high priority over team, then you are not ready to be a manager. Clearly competencies for individual success is a whole different set compared to the competencies of being a manager. So, why are people in the lower upper management in their current position? Just because they had individual success and spent a lot of time in the organization? But then, if we kept in mind the goal of the organization (general goal definition), aren't we losing out on 2 terms - first the fact that individual gains they could have delivered is lost and secondly they have become a huge cause of friction in the daily running of the organization? Well, for all this gyan, let me add one thing - offers are tempting and current add-ons are repulsive. Why am I still here? The reason is I like doing what I'm doing and my hope is fueled by one source. Hopefully, I might not reach a situation where temptation exceeds hope and I have to decide. Still not ready to be a manger you think?? Well atleast I'm not disrespecting someone elses contribution!!

Bad day at work

After spending a lot of time yesterday with work and sleeping very little, I come to work early to find that the off-site team is upset. Well, faults on both sides - my side is the fact that I've not been intuitive enough to implement what the off-site team had sent and am still unable to complete things successfully and off-site's is that the release came unexpected even when they knew that implementation for a person (technically on the lower side) who is setting up an environment on-site similar to off-site (where the application works) without documentation or exposure to off-site environment is a difficult task. My apologies, but their mood has certainly put me off. Mainly because of the fact that I was interacting everyday with the team off-site and also knowing the people well. For thinking about growing the team, seems that co-ordination with the core members are neglected. Hugely disappointed and have to find a way to come back. As for the day today, hardly expect to accomplish anything noticeable.

Thoughts during the merger

For 2 years during my MBA I was confronted with change management. Payal and me have always had discussions over change management and most case-studies had always an aspect of change management. I always planned for a lot of scenarios for change management, but then one aspect they forgot to highlight was the psycological state. My company (Tata Infotech or TIL) has merged with TCS and this happened on a Friday evening (after Indian working hours). This was an event that occured atleast 3 months early for me though pretty much on the cards. But then this unexpected event has blanked out my mind. It only has questions of uncertainity - what happens to my project? What is my base location? What is my position with respect to immigration in the US? How will I be treated? Being part of such a vast ocean, will my career ambitions have to be thrown out? Will I be layed off? Do I need to quit and join another organization to achieve what hopes I ahd from my previous company? And so on....................
I joined TIL from engineering, left it to do my MBA and rejoined as soon as I had the opportunity. A set of people and working culture definitely unique to itself. It also gave a lot of freedom to individuals. I'm sure lot of talent stayed back in TIL (inspite of the low pay) because they were in love with the organization and now they might go looking for something they want. I'm glad atleast I was there when the entity TIL diminished in the horizon to join TCS while at her peak with her head held high.
I'm not against the merger, since business-wise, organization-wise, employee-wise and other-wise it is definitely good. Its just that it was so unexpected and that no one even communicated anything to take care of the employee psyche other than a generic letter from the chairman.
Arun, Jayesh, 25% of NIE Mechanical junta of 1999 and Ramadorai - here I come to be a part of your organization and I sure am looking forward to a positive and growth oriented stint with you guys both for the organization and myself.
Tata Infotech - I shall miss you in everyway.

Fun @ work

This was a term coined by Payal while she was a part of the branding exercise of HR at Tata Elxsi during her summer internship. The HR prooudly hosted this section for about a couple of years. She is always the creative half of 'Harpal' while I generally tend to be the logical half - similar to the left brain-right brain concept. The best part of course is that I do not need to be any different since she makes up for my weakness and in her case, I would like to assume the same. She is the one who actually opened my eyes into the concept of enjoyment at the work place. I wouldn't call myself a workoholic though I would go to any lengths to ensure that the task given to me is completed. And I've never been an epitome of concentration more than a few hours. I generally like to take a walk around and see what everyone else is doing while all my problems are processed in the background (I would like to think this is true). And most of the time this break usually helps achieve my objective. I do believe in fun at the work place and I generally disturb others (generally everyone is kind enough not to shout at me and when they want to be rude, they just ignore me) to ensure that they too take a few seconds off work and learn to relax. When I get a team, I shall sure ensure that everyone has their share of fun. Of course the fun does not exactly mean party, but a totally silent atmosphere gives me the creeps. Also this means that you are enjoying the work. And when this happens that means that the job is good.
Anyways, Payal would also tell me that bragging is another habit I have and I generally prove it. But then is putting down my thoughts bragging?? Well I guess sometimes it is, but I would like to see it in another way.